It was late November. My husband and I were vacationing in Florida with a group of friends. I got drunk the first night. So drunk that I didn’t remember a lot of it the next day. I had a horrible hangover accompanied by anxiety that made my skin crawl. I wanted to leave my body. I laid in bed sweaty and restless.
In that moment I realized I ruined the day
Everyone else cracked a beer after breakfast, ready to seize another day of sunshine and drinking. Not me, my body tapped out. I had to tell everyone to go ahead without me. It was a beautiful day, the first full day of the trip. I had ruined it. Why do I always ruin it?
My connect the dots moment
As I laid in bed alone in our VRBO, I knew I had to come up with a plan to give up alcohol. This wasn’t the first time hangxiety ruined a vacation. As I wrote in my blog “Which Came First, Anxiety or Alcohol, drinking gave me anxiety. But, I didn’t realize it until that day in Florida. I always drank more than my fair share while vacationing. So, as a result, I had some of my worst anxiety while on vacation. I had an Aha moment and soon was googling “does alcohol cause anxiety.” The answer was as I suspected. But, it didn’t make me feel any better.
I knew another night of binge drinking was not the solution
I spent the rest of the trip drinking just enough to not get sick. Let me tell you, that was a lot of work. Read my blog “Moderate Drinking and Why it Didn’t Work for Me.” I didn’t know how to vacation without the binge. Not to mention moderation was always hard for me. I couldn’t focus on having a good time because I was so worried about overdoing it.
I couldn’t wait to get home.
When we got back it was December and my dad had gotten me a wine advent calendar. I really could have quit right then, but I felt bad wasting a perfectly good Christmas present. I decided I was only going to drink one tiny bottle of advent calendar wine a day and then I was done with alcohol.
And that’s what I did
On Christmas day 2021 I had my last glass of wine. The dumpster fire that was my anxiety was extinguished. I finally gave my body the peace it was craving and deserved. I was sober and I was free.
Yours Truly Sober,
Steph
Steph, I cannot put into words how thankful I am that you came into my life! You are an incredible woman with a story to tell – a story that will help thousands upon thousands of people in their own journey.
Strength is many things and you are the living embodiment of what it means to struggle and rise above the noise of it all.
I’m so proud of you!
Linda xx
Linda,
Your words mean so much to me! I am just as grateful for you coming into my life. Thank you for being the empowering woman you are for me and so many others. I think our relationship is an example of “like attracts like” We are two women who want to share our stories and make a difference.
Steph