It was late November. My husband and I were vacationing in Florida with a group of friends. I got drunk the first night. So drunk that I didn’t remember a lot of it the next day. I had a horrible hangover accompanied by anxiety that made my skin crawl. I wanted to leave my body. I laid in bed sweaty and restless.
In that moment I realized I ruined the day
Everyone else cracked a beer after breakfast, ready to seize another day of sunshine and drinking. Not me, my body tapped out. I had to tell everyone to go ahead without me. It was a beautiful day, the first full day of the trip. I had ruined it. Why do I always ruin it?
My connect the dots moment
As I laid in bed alone in our VRBO, I knew I had to come up with a plan to give up alcohol. This wasn’t the first time hangxiety ruined a vacation. As I wrote in my blog “Which Came First, Anxiety or Alcohol, drinking gave me anxiety. But, I didn’t realize it until that day in Florida. I always drank more than my fair share while vacationing. So, as a result, I had some of my worst anxiety while on vacation. I had an Aha moment and soon was googling “does alcohol cause anxiety.” The answer was as I suspected. But, it didn’t make me feel any better.
I knew another night of binge drinking was not the solution
I spent the rest of the trip drinking just enough to not get sick. Let me tell you, that was a lot of work. Read my blog “Moderate Drinking and Why it Didn’t Work for Me.” I didn’t know how to vacation without the binge. Not to mention moderation was always hard for me. I couldn’t focus on having a good time because I was so worried about overdoing it.
I couldn’t wait to get home.
When we got back it was December and my dad had gotten me a wine advent calendar. I really could have quit right then, but I felt bad wasting a perfectly good Christmas present. I decided I was only going to drink one tiny bottle of advent calendar wine a day and then I was done with alcohol.
And that’s what I did
On Christmas day 2021 I had my last glass of wine. The dumpster fire that was my anxiety was extinguished. I finally gave my body the peace it was craving and deserved. I was sober and I was free.
Yours Truly Sober,